I started this month off with rediscovering my sexuality through an unusual methodology: sex with a much older man. I met him via an online forum for BDSM lovers, I had been going through quite the dry spell and seeing a large phallus sent me insane. I wanted him almost instantly. And to my surprise I actually followed through, after a very short amount of time. I barely knew him yet in less than an hour I was waiting outside his house in my sluttiest outfit with butterflies in my stomach. I could lie and say that the butterflies were me being nervous to meet him for the first time, but the only thought on my mind was the desire to get fucked. I was so desperate to be fucked that I didn’t care about my chances of being murdered by this stranger afterwards. The need for sex managed to overpower any sense or instinct of danger I had in my body. I don’t regret it either, it was the perfect experience. We went to his penthouse, had minimal interaction with each other and had a quick round of intense rough sex before he had to leave to go to work. This experience came after months of futile attempts to seduce younger men. It felt like a blessing, he had opened the doors to me feeling alive again.
I forgot how much I loved that feeling, not the orgasm, but the aftermath. The feeling of euphoria of being my own person, of being allowed to enjoy these pleasures with no strings attached. Since I started writing this, I’ve fucked him three more times, and each time has been better than the next. The last time we had sex I orgasmed so hard that I lost half off my hearing afterwards, and here's the part where you may be thinking, “wouldn’t you feel shame afterwards”. Shame that I was able to orgasm so hard from a man with sallow eyebags... but excellent stamina? With slightly sagging skin on his ribs... but a horsecock? I ponder about it a bit about why I don’t feel guilty about having sex with him, but the truth is I love the taboo aspect of it. After the second time we had sex, I decided to meet up with a man a bit closer to my age, of the age of 24. We went for a stroll along the promenade and then went down to the beach to drink a beer. About half an hour later I saw the older man, with an older woman by his side. They were smiling and laughing and pointing at the stars together, like a cute couple. He saw me while he was walking with her towards the water, while I was with the other man, we made eye contact for a brief moment before I looked away into the eyes of a man fifteen years his junior.
In the following moments I started to think about what we're doing together; how wrong it would be if the people with us knew what we were thinking of when we made eye contact. A horrible dirty little secret, but one so deathly pleasurable. It's almost impossible for me in this current moment to feel shame while thinking of him, and I wonder if that will change in the future? The next day after the sighting I had sex with the younger man, but it just wasn't the same, it wasn't unsatisfactory, but it was just completely vanilla and I found it quite dull, and it left me wanting the older man even more. So, I did what any pathetic whore does and texted oldie while I was still at the other man's house, but unfortunately, he was busy. I was desperate for sex from him, I was cock crazy at this point, so I went over as soon as possible the next morning. It was another successful experience and so I went two days after. That was on Friday and currently it is Monday so unfortunately, it's been a while since I last got fucked and I have a feeling November week two may be a bit unsuccessful since I'm going to be a bit busy.
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